


reasons not to kiss her

by ItsJustSarah



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, SO MUCH FLUFF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsJustSarah/pseuds/ItsJustSarah
Summary: Kara pines for Lena.Lena pines for Kara.It's only a matter of time before the tension breaks.orthe nine times they almost kissed(inspired by a tumblr post of the same title)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im trying to dig myself out of this massive writer's block so here  
> i'll try to finish it by the end of this week :)

_ 1) this sort of love is not allowed. you are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth _

 

It was when she saw her lying on the ground unconscious that Kara realized she cared about Lena Luthor more than she thought she had. She had spent the day quite literally trying to defend Lena’s honor.

Would she have done the same if it were anyone else? Absolutely.

But she probably wouldn’t have been this frustrated because the difference is that Lena is her friend. Somehow it made it all feel more personal.

Kara knows Lena. She knows the CEO has a good heart. She was the one that helped them put Lillian behind bars in the first place! How can everyone be such buttheads?

Her head was splitting in two because of the device Lillian managed to salvage from Lex’s collection in the bunker, but her vision has tunneled onto the woman on the floor.

Kryptonite bomb or not. They needed to get out of there.

Thank Rao, J’onn arrived with enough time for them to get out of the blast radius.

“Miss Luthor, you’re safe now.” Kara manages to say after landing on the balcony to Lena’s office. She didn’t know where else to take her friend.

Kara very carefully set Lena’s feet on the ground without letting go of her. She still hasn’t opened her eyes but the death grip on Kara’s neck, that would’ve choked anyone that didn’t have powers, is slowly relenting. They stand there for a few minutes. Kara waiting for Lena to recover from the sky-sickness humans usually get from flying and contemplating how fragile her best friend can be.

When Lena finally opens her eyes, she lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you, Supergirl.” Lena says but doesn’t make a move to separate herself from Kara. She wonders if Lena could hear her heart beating wildly against her chest.

“We are at L-Corp. Would you like me to take you somewhere else? Is there someone you need to call?”

“No, this is fine. I don’t exactly have much family left,” Lena jokes and Kara winces at the laugh that followed it sounding hollow. She remembers Lillian leaving Lena behind, and it makes her glad Lena is still looking at the ground because she won’t be able to explain the anger on her face. She wants to fly back to the blast site, find and punch Hank Henshaw some more.

“I’m sorry but I’m not sure I can stand by myself yet,” Lena lets out slow uneven breaths before looking up at her, “Can you help me get to the couch?”

“Just hold onto me,” Kara says before sliding her arms back under Lena, and carrying her inside the office. Kara knew that by now, the effects of flying must have already subsided, but she doesn't miss the way Lena's hands were still shaking.

Lena having a really bad day, is probably a gross understatement. She had been accused of crimes she didn't commit, got arrested for said crimes, got abducted by an anti-alien organization, was knocked unconscious by a cyborg, practically left for dead by the woman she called mother, and was flown at nauseating speeds to her building.

Rehashing the events of the day makes Kara's blood boil that she can't help but hold the woman closer to her as she carries her to the white couch across the room. She's probably more scared than she lets on. She always is.

“I’ve got you,” Kara promises.


	2. Chapter 2

_2) no one ever taught you how to love. your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves_

 

Lena Luthor didn’t know how she managed to become friends with a reporter of all people. Her aversion to be in the public eye seemed to be a conflict of their interests until it wasn’t at all.

Maybe that’s just because it’s Kara Danvers.

Kara had a way of embracing people into her life, quite literally sometimes. She is so full of light that Lena can’t help but be drawn to her warmth. If she was being honest, the want to be in Kara’s presence is starting to become less of a habit and more of an addiction. It makes her happy that the feeling seems to be mutual.

Even now sitting on the floor of Kara’s apartment, Kara is ever a warm presence pressed up against her side.

But Kara just wants to be friends, and Lena didn’t. She wasn’t sure when or how, but in between the interviews and the unwavering trust Kara seems to have for her. She started to fall.

Lena doubts she even would have granted the chance for a second interview if it weren’t for the sincere eyes of the “non-reporter” from CatCo Magazine and now here she is, a couple dozen interviews and movie nights later, on her first game night.

It had been a blast for everyone, a surprise no one expected.

“Luthor, I swear if you are bluffing _again_ on this one I’m going to arrest you.”

“Hey! No illegal arrests in my house!” Kara yells.

“All you have to do is fold, Agent Danvers. There is no shame in defeat,” Lena says nonchalantly.

Maggie tries to stare Lena down, and Lena just smiles at her.

“Son of a bitch! She’s good.”

Winn had somehow managed to create a makeshift crown out of a cardboard box from their take-outs with the words "Poker Queen" written in red marker.

"Hey, Alex. Your crown as reigning queen of poker night is about to be snatched." Hovering the paper crown above Lena's head.

"Where did you even get that?"

"I made it."

"When?" Maggie asks clearly amused by the whole ordeal.

"Soon as I realized this was not a table I could win in,” Winn says indignantly.

“You know what? Fine. I’ll fold,” Alex concedes.

“Thank you.”

“How about we play cards against humanity instead. At least Lena and none of you all lying bastards have an unfair advantage with that,” Winn suggests as Lena collects her winnings for the night with the help of Kara.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Alex is actually pretty good," Kara says.

“That’s because she’s playing against you, Kara,” James chimes in.

Lena notices Maggie looking at her phone frowning, but she schools her expression back to neutral disinterest before looking back at the now squabbling sisters on the table.

Nodding to herself as if deciding something Maggie looks up at her.

“Lena, can you help me get more drinks?” She stands up without waiting for an answer.

“Alright,” Lena says, following Maggie to the kitchen.

“What’s this about?” she asks as soon as they were well out of hearing distance.

“I just thought you should know before everyone else does.” Maggie turns to her, then spares a quick glance at the living room where everyone seems to be engrossed in deciding what game they should play next.

Maggie sighs, and Lena can’t help but recognize the look on her face. She has been on the receiving end of bad news all too often to not see it coming a mile away.

Maggie opens up her phone shows her an alert from NCPD.

“Lex has broken out of prison.”

Just like that Lena felt reality drop on her like a ton of bricks.

Her eyes go unfocused and lands back to where everyone was still debating the pros and cons of Uno. Everyone except a pair of framed blue eyes looking back at her.

She remembers all the reasons she can’t really have friends.

She remembers she’s putting people’s lives in danger by being in their mere proximity.

She remembers she _is_ a Luthor, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

_3) she belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch’_

 

“The moon looks beautiful, doesn't it?” Lena says with so much reverence Kara felt like she’s sharing a secret.

Kara looks up at the clear night sky, and Lena was right. The moon _is_ beautiful. It’s like no matter how many times she’d seen it, the observation still feels like a discovery.

She was about to agree when her eyes find their way back to the woman standing next to her, and Kara can’t help the breath that catches in her throat.

Lena was still looking up at the sky, a small satisfied smile playing at her lips. Her face was a contrast of shadows and light, and Kara wonders how a marble statue could look soft and warm.

Kara releases a breath and decided the moon has nothing on a Luthor.

“Yeah, it is.” Kara says almost as a whisper.

Lena seemed to feel her gaze and turns to look at her. She should feel embarrassed for getting caught staring but not when she could hear Lena’s heart rate pick up.

Green eyes search hers looking for something. They settle on her lips briefly, before closing and then are back to looking up at the sky.

Kara hoped Lena couldn’t hear her warring with herself at the moment. She is so close and all Kara had to do is lean forward to catch her lips. Kara could feel herself being drawn forward by the movement, and all she wanted was to let it, but she couldn’t. Not when there is an entire side of her Lena doesn’t know about. Not when there is so much she needed to explain. It wasn’t fair. To either of them.

“Will you stay for a bit longer?” Lena breaks the silence and Kara’s internal turmoil.

She sighs, “For as long as you want me.”


	4. Chapter 4

_4) no one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all_

Kara realizes she made a mistake and only had herself to blame at the tail end of her evening.

She insisted they do karaoke for girls’ night fully knowing she had to fight tooth and nail to coax Lena into singing.

No, she absolutely did not have an agenda. It’s definitely not because she overheard Lena singing Abba in the shower one morning and made her giggle so much she choked on a donut. Kara was not hell bent on hearing Lena carefree and, well, loud because it makes her chest feel like it's going to burst with- just so so much. No, Sir.

Alex and Maggie were thoroughly enjoying themselves with every duet they can find, including a very lively rendition of No Diggity. Although no one was saying it, they were definitely competing for the top score. 

Lena wasn’t into singing but was having fun with everyone’s ridiculous antics. Kara was having none of that. She will get Lena Luthor to sing at least one song by the end of girls' night if it's the last thing she does and Kara Danvers has a plan.

“Please, just one song.” She says trying to stick with plan A -pout. Which doesn't seem to be enough to do the trick.

“Kara, I'm trying to save your ears. Trust me.”

“No one here is gonna judge. Plus were all amateurs.”

“Tell that to Carly Rae Jepsen over there.”  
She follows Lena’s eyes towards Alex changing the lyrics of Call Me Maybe. 

“You don’t have to do more than just sing.” 

“I, having fallen victim to that torture, agree with Lena,” Sam calls out from the kitchen. 

“Thank you, Sam,” Lena says as if that proves her point, "Kara it's for the greater good.” 

“Fine, you forced my hand.” Kara stands up. “I’m gonna do every cheesy love song that I know makes you cringe until you sing.” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Oh, but I would. And I’m gonna ask Alex to do back up.” 

“Don’t you dare,” Lena challenges, her own little eyebrow crinkle starting to show. 

“Oh, I dare,” Kara smirks reaching for the songbook beside Lena on her couch. 

A move she seriously should have thought through because now her face is inches away from her best friend. A distance she has been trying to avoid. Because at this close, she can see the specks of light green in Lena’s eyes. She can feel the warmth of her breath, the smell of her lips- 

Her hand drops the songbook with a loud thud and the moment is broken. Kara swallows at the butterflies making their presence known at her stomach.

She thinks maybe singing cheesy love songs to Lena wasn’t such a good idea after all, but Kara was determined.

“Alex,” she calls out, making her sister stop singing Ed Sheeran for the fifth time that night, “it's time.”

Lena somehow seems to exponentially increase her alcohol consumption at each new song. Even Maggie was groaning by the time she started on the first verse of You’re Beautiful by One Direction.

Kara sees her whisper something to Lena before her friend is shaking her head violently and Maggie is chuckling at it.

Kara can see Lena wavering on her sixth glass of wine and cranks up the cheesiness by occasionally pointing at her friend.

“Enough,” Lena says while Kara was belting out her best impression of Maroon 5.

Lena stands up looking a little wobbly, stares at the floor to steady herself, then walks up to Kara to grab her mic. Gone was the shy woman Kara was teasing earlier, replaced by a fierce CEO about to get her way one way or another.

“Sit down,” she commands in a voice Kara only ever hears from her in the boardroom.

So she sits. Alex does the same favoring the space next to Maggie's on the floor than the couch, looking too amused to see how this plays out.

“Maggie, hit me,” Lena says onto the mic.

Kara gulps and Maggie dutifully selects her song. Then she throws her head back from laughing after hearing the song intro. 

“This one’s is for you Kara Danvers,” Lena says in a sultry voice that's only slightly slurred, making Kara blush and reminding her that her best friend is the biggest flirt in National City.

Which was how Kara realized she has made a mistake.

One of the best things about being around Lena Luthor was that she never fails to surprise people with what she will do. From filling her office with flowers to helping her save the whole world, Lena has always found a way to catch someone with superspeed by surprise.

It's both a privilege Kara treasures and a curse she can't seem to shake as it never fails to make her heart thump in weird rhythms.

The opening beats of Build Me Up Buttercup blaring on her speakers is another one of those surprises.

Alex has doubled over to the floor laughing after hearing the opening of the song.

By the sound of her howling cheers, and the shit-eating grin on her face, this whole picture has Maggie's hands written all over it.

Kara was trying to decide whether to thank Maggie or ask if she wants to see a Krytonian die of a heart attack when Lena starts shaking her head to the beat, and Kara’s thoughts tunnel onto one specific person.

When Lena starts singing, the familiar feeling is back on her chest.

Meanwhile Alex, has doubled over again but recovers more quickly this time. She stands up and grabs Maggie's hands, pulling her up from the couch to where Lena was singing just in time to yell the backup vocals (at Kara).

Soon enough, three fairly drunk humans are asking her to build them up and not break their heart.

Kara is fairly sure her face would start to hurt from smiling too wide and too much if she was human, but she couldn't help it. She just feels so whole at the sight in front of her. She didn't know her plan was going to work out so well but she hoped. Now, her sister and her girlfriend are obviously making fun of her in front of the woman she loves and-

_Oh._

She _loves_ her.

That was the feeling in her chest. The one that keeps clawing it's way out begging to be known.

_She loves Lena._

It was a profound discovery yet so obvious it's a wonder it took her this long to realize it.

The song ends and Kara only notices when a warm body flops down next to her on the couch.

“That was fun.” Lena grins, placing the microphone back on the coffee table.

Her cheeks glowing with an attractive blush and there's a thin line of sweat on her hairline, evidence to the dancing poured onto the song.

“Thank you,” Kara says.

It was all she could say at the moment. She couldn't quite think a whole lot with Lena next to her and her brain screaming _I love you, I love you, I love you, Rao, I love you._


	5. Chapter 5

_5) she touches you like youre fragile, and if you break you wont be able put yourself together again_

 

_ I need to tell you something important. Can I come over later? _

Kara’s text was vague and it made Lena nervous, but nervous didn't even cover how Kara looked when she came by Lena’s office later that day. She actually finished the water Lena offered in one go and started pacing in front of the couch.

“Kara, is everything okay?” Lena didn’t know if Kryptonians can faint but her friend sure looked like she was about to.

“I’m an alien,” Kara blurts out.

Lena notices the fidgety way Kara is wringing her fingers and realizes Kara is finally letting her in on her most kept secret. No wonder she was so nervous.

She stands in front of Lena takes her glasses off and starts slowly unbuttoning her shirt until the symbol underneath is visible.

The next words come tumbling down nonstop, “I come from a planet named Krypton, and I am known to this planet as Supergirl. I’m so sorry, Lena. I have wanted to tell you for so long but I didn’t know how to begin. I’d understand if you’re mad and not want to see me-”

“I’m not mad,” Lena manages to interrupt Kara’s monologue.

“You’re not mad?” Kara trailed, “Or surprised. Why are you not surprised?”

“I kind of already knew, Kara.” Lena tried to supress the smirk she knows is showing on her face.

“You…You knew?”

“Yes,” Lena admits, smiling sheepishly.

“Since when?”

“You remember the alien detection device?” Lena asks.

“Yeah,” Kara presses.

“A couple of months ago, I opened the prototype and saw everything inside was singed,” Lena paused, as she sees a guilty look pass over Kara’s face. How her friend managed to keep the secret for so long when she can’t even keep a straight face baffled Lena.

“Everything kind of just made sense. Then I checked the surveillance video, and got confirmation.”

“Months. You knew… and you didn’t say anything about it?” Kara says, clearly talking to herself more than she is to Lena.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?  _ I’m _  the one who’s sorry. Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know. I did want to tell you, but it wasn’t really my secret to tell. It was pretty fun seeing you try to cover up your identity, very badly might I add, but then it kind of took a little too long and I didn’t want to bring it up. So…”

“This whole time. You mean I’ve been trying to make up fake excuses for nothing.”

“I'm not going to lie. I did feel angry at first, then I realized you had good reason to keep it from me.”

“I- I’m sorry, Lena.”

“Don’t be. I am dangerous. People get hurt because of m-”

“No.” Kara sits back down the couch and takes Lena's hands. Kara’s hands were still cold from the nervousness earlier but as always they made her feel safe.

“It wasn't because of you. It was because of me,” Kara says looking down at their hands, “I was scared, and let this lie get bigger and bigger until it was so big I didn't even know how to begin unpacking it.”

“Why would you be scared?”

There was a long moment before Kara started speaking again, “You're my best friend. I don't want to lose you,” Kara says finaly looking up at Lena.

Without the glasses, there was nothing shielding Lena from the intensity of Kara’s earnest eyes. There's also that scar on her eyebrow that always makes Lena want to reach up and touch.

Lena squeezes at their hands, “You're not getting rid of me that easily, Kara.”

“You're really not mad?” Kara’s voice was so unsure Lena could feel it tug at her.

“How can I be mad? You are literally risking your life day in and out to save the world, Kara. I don’t know how many times we owe our lives to the work you do as Supergirl and as a reporter. If anything I should be thanking you.”

Kara was blushing adorably and she still tries to reach up to adjust her glasses only realizing she has removed them for the reveal.

“Thank you, Lena.”

She wants to kick herself for the words she's about to say but this is Kara, even if the symbol underneath her shirt reminds Lena she's always gonna me more. This is her Kara, and right now she needs her friend.

“That's what friends are for,” Lena smiles saying it.

Kara smiles at that but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She looked like she was about to say something when her phone started ringing.

“Sorry,” she sighs

“That's, um, my  _ other _  work phone,” she says gesturing at her chest.

“Go ahead,” Lena nods letting go of Kara's hands.

Kara answering her phone differently than  the chipper greeting Lena’s used to is fascinating. There's so much she wants to know. So many questions she wants to ask if Kara would allow it. But right now, she just feels overwhelmingly satisfied at knowing Kara wanted her to know.

Kara ends the call and looks sheepishly at Lena, “I have to go.”

Lena stands up from the couch and goes to unlock her balcony door, “Go save the world, Supergirl.”

There's that hundred volt smile Lena knows she'll never stop loving. Kara makes a show of spinning into her supersuit, making Lena giggle, then hops out to head out but as she turns to jump off the balcony, she halts mid step.

Next thing Lena knew is that she's suddenly enveloped in a full body Kara Danvers hug.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Kara whispers before placing a soft kiss on Lena’s forehead and disappears before Lena could react.


	6. Chapter 6

_6) her gaze is too gentle. you will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile_

 

“Lena why are you tall?”

“You’re just sat down and drunk, darling.”

“Oh.”

Kara’s face is suddenly scrunched up, like she’s trying to figure something out. It’s just too damn adorable that Lena can’t help but chuckle as she moves some hair off of Kara’s face.

They're at the alien dive bar, in a corner booth she's sure Alex forced her sister into before sending a vague text telling Lena ‘ _babysit a Kryptonian for a night I’ll owe you’_. Lena didn’t need the text to come get Kara because she got a very concerning phone call when she was on her way there. Most of it was in a foreign tongue and the rest was pretty much gibberish and giggles.

“Can you please be as tall as me? I want to be near your head.” Kara tugs at her coat’s sleeves.

“Okay.” Lena slides in on the booth next to Kara, “Better?”

“Whoa...” Kara trails, her mouth hanging open for a moment before speaking again, “You’re eyes are much prettier in this height. I mean they're pretty at any height but I like this height very much right now.”

Lena laughs at the compliment, “You look very pretty too, Kara.”

Lena looks around the bar or familiar faces. Other than M’gann who was getting ready for closing, the gang was nowhere to be found.

“Can you tell me how you managed to get drunk alone in the bar?”

“Wuz’on wing woman duty.”

“For whom, might I ask?”

“Alex and Winn. Both went successfully as you can obviously tell.”

“Your sister already has a girlfriend.”

“Exactly. I'm that good. Maggie says so," Kara lifts her chin proudly, "Then, M’gann kept serving me free shots and I can tell she’s just trying to be grateful for me helping with the uprising in Mars, which was epic by the way, so I just kept accepting them.” Kara waved at the upturned shot glasses on the table with ger mug.

Lena reached forward and slowly took the mug from Kara's hands. The dark liquid glowed faintly of purple and smelled oddly like freshly-cut grass and burnt electrical wires.

“It's toxic to humans. Please don't drink it, Lena,” Kara pouts.

She nods and places the mug next to the line of shotglasses, out of Kara’s reach.

“So, what happened next?”

“With what?”

“You, silly. What happened after your successful wing woman duty?”

“Oh, um. I called you. Because I kept thinking we could be drinking buddies, you know I don’t really like drinking alone. It’s not safe. And you’re the only person I wanted to call.”

“And now, I’m here and you're drunk.”

“And now, I’m drunk and you're here,” Kara parrots indignantly. Then her eyes go wide comically like she just realized something.

She grabs one of Lena’s hands on the table and whispers loudly, “Lena, I can’t get drunk I might hurt someone! And I can’t fly, I might hit a plane!”

It tugs at Lena that even immensely intoxicated, Kara still cares about everyone else's wellbeing before her own.

She's seen Supergirl in action and knows just how strong Kara can be. It dawns on her that the amount of restraint Kara puts on just to hold her hand at the moment took years of practice. She worked so hard to be gentle and fills Lena with love and pride.

Kara has been through so much but she chooses to be kind. Despite the amount of destruction she's seen, she still chooses to get up, build and start again every single day.

Kara is raw, unrelenting force and at the same time she's the sun thawing out a decade long winter.

Lena looks at Kara's childlike concern in glassy eyes, the crinkle between her eyebrows barely visible, and thanks the universe for letting her witness the miracle that is Kara Zor-el this close.

She's seen her break through walls but it doesn't even make a dent to the overwhelming desire to protect the woman in front of her.

“That’s why I'm here, darling. Come on, let's get you home,” Lena replies as she helps Kara get up and out the booth.

Kara giggles and squeezes at their hands, “I am home.”


	7. Chapter 7

_7) she is so good. she is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing_  
  
  
“She’s at the hospital. Didn’t she tell you?”

“What? Is she okay? What happened?”

“No, she’s fine! She’s headed to The Luthor Home, Kara.”

“Oh,” Kara has heard a lot of good things about the Luthor family orphanage mostly from Lena, but she has never actually seen it firsthand. She knows it’s one of the things that absolutely lights Lena up when talked about.

“The opening of the newest wing is today. It’s all hush-hush. She doesn’t want media coverage of it.”

“I won’t say anything.”

“I know, Miss Danvers,” Jess gives her a confident smile, “I know.”

//

Kara only goes to the orphanage when Jess gave her assurance that she wouldn’t be a bother. She hasn’t seen Lena all week and she was curious about what seems to be Lena’s favorite pastime.

She hears music as she arrives at the front gates and is greeted by a lovely old lady named Frankie who leads her behind the main building to what seems to be a garden party in full swing.

There was a bouncy castle, three gigantic inflatable pools, and a buffet table catered by one L-Corp's affiliates.

She was sure that caterer run more of a mimosa and canapé type of business but she's surprised to see they're serving an odd mix of cotton candy, an assortment of pies and spaghetti to the kids.

“Where is she?” Kara tries to contain her awe but her voice reveal her disbelief. She knows Lena occasionally overboards on spending money but the actual-fountain-sized chocolate fountain at a children's garden party tells her she did this on purpose.

“She usually hangs with the quiet kids. Although, you might want to check the painting tent first," Frankie reconsiders, “If not check the bounce house. I think she had more fun in there than the kids did last time.”

Her mouth hangs open. She couldn’t for the life of her imagine Lena having fun inside a bouncy castle.

Frankie seemed to notice, “Don’t tell her I said that."

The old woman gets right back to work as soon as Kara goes to thank her. Leaving the reporter to her own devices in what used to be The Luthor Manor turned theme park for the day. 

There were a number of kids running from the tent wearing face paint. She’s sees one girl with a House of El crest on both her cheeks and Kara can’t help but smile, when she hears her yell 'laser eyes!’.

She sees some of them jump into the shallow pool like it's their first time seeing one, and she realizes that just might be the case. It hits her then why this place takes a special place in Lena's heart, and it clenches at hers painfully so.

Kara slips inside the tent and finds Lena in the middle of painting butterflies on one boy’s cheek, too focused to notice her. She wasn’t sure if she was pulled into another dimension again but she wouldn’t mind staying in this one for a while.

Lena Luthor is wearing jeans and a tie-dye shirt that says _‘World’s Best Boss’_ with little handprints all over it. The best part is that Lena’s also donning face paint. It looks like someone had a bit of fun doing it because she has an blue eye patch and an orange swirly moustache.

“Lena, I want a dolphin on the other side!” the boy announces, looking up at Lena.

“Sure, but hold still okay Charlie? Or this butterfly is going to have a ripped left wing,” Lena says.

“Okie dokie.” Charlie nods once, still swinging his feet on the chair but keeping his entire upper body still.

She wanted to capture the moment and save it for times when she feels low. Kara realizes she can actually do that and pulls out her phone to snap a picture.

As soon as Lena finishes the dolphin on his right cheek, Charlie checks his face on the mirror Lena is holding out.

“I have dolphins on my face!” he yells.

Lena laughs at that, light and bubbly. The kind that she only hears when the last of Lena's defenses had been dropped, and Kara wishes she could save that too, but she doubts a video can capture the fullness of it enough.

Charlie makes a beeline for the door yelling, "Thank you, Lena!"

The small quirk of eyebrows Lena does upon finding her perched by the door tells her Jess kept her promise to keep her visit a surprise

Her friend smiles up at her and it sets tiny explosions in her chest she tries to shake off as she walk up to where Lena is wiping her hands with a towel to give her a hug.

“Hey," she says after releasing her friend, not quite letting her go.

“Hey.” If Lena noticed her hug lingered longer than usual she doesn't mention it.

“I like your face," Kara teases cheekily at the face paint she's trying so hard to pretend she doesn't find adorable.

Lena rolls her eyes with a scoff and unsuccessfully tries to hide a laugh, "Oh, shut up."


	8. Chapter 8

_8) you will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. she is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart_

“I need to be at the station to destabilize the core. We can’t remotely detonate it.”

“No.”

“Kara, there isn’t much time. Winn has to be here, he’s the only one fast enough to reprogram all of your system’s mainframe in time,” Lena insists.

“No,” Kara repeats more loudly and turns to her sister, “Alex, there has to be something else we could do. I can’t risk taking her there.”

“I don't like it any better than you do, Kara. But she's right, and we have to move fast," Alex tells her.

Lena's pressed for time, the longer they argue the more time Lex has to figure out their plan.

“We don’t have a choice. I have to go,” Lena stands directly in front of Kara who's in full Supergirl regalia.

“I don’t like this.”

“If you don’t take me there, I’ll ask J’onn.” It was a low blow and they both knew it.

She’s not giving Kara a choice.

Kara sighs pinching her at nose bridge, “Can you guys give us a minute?”

“Kara-”

“Please,” she says not looking up, in a tone so severe Lena was sure if anyone else was standing right where she was their knees would give out.

It was an order, regardless of the chain of command they have and the use of a polite word. Everyone cleared the room. Alex gave Lena one last nod before following the rest of the team out.

“What is it?” she asks as soon as the door closed.

Kara has her hand on her hips as she lets out a sigh before looking up.

“I- I can’t lose you too,” Kara’s voice cracks.

Lena deflates at that. She feels her resolve slowly crumbling at the weight behind the words, and she wants nothing more than to wrap Kara in a hug.

But the looming threat of her brother taking more innocent lives and intent on finding the woman in front of her, washes over Lena like cold water.

“You won’t. I promise,” Lena holds Kara’s stare. Her heart aches at the idea that she might cause Kara further pain.

“You’re lying,” Kara simply says.

“I am. I can’t tell you what will happen, Kara. But we are all fucked if we don’t stop Lex,” Lena couldn’t help it anymore, she steps forward and wraps Kara in a hug.

She rarely initiates their hugs but she's thankful that Kara does it often enough for both of them. Warm hands instantly find purchase on her back and for a few seconds Lena is thankful for the moment of reprieve before they head out to the storm waiting for them.

She reluctantly lets Kara go to have a look at her.

“We can stop him,” she says, all too aware that she's trying to convince them both.

Her brother created the prototype for the bomb set off to kill millions of alien lives at Luthor Corp when he was still running the place. In Lena's mind that alone makes this absolutely her business. Her being the only person capable of disarming it in time just hits the proverbial nail in the coffin.

Lena considers herself living on borrowed time as it is. Having stared death in the face one too man times, she has thought about the possibility of dying at a young age and has already decided that if she can’t convince people to clear her name in life then she will in death.

The only downside is that she would be missing Kara Danvers. Her sunny smiles, her unwavering sense of justice, how she finds the good in everything, and that damn adorable crinkle.

\--

“We can stop him,” Lena says so softly, willing Kara to believe.

Green eyes start flitting across her face and it is all too familiar, she remembers the last day of her planet. Kara has to close her eyes to keep from crying at the memory of the last time she's seen that look.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Lena asks.

 _Look at me like you’re doing it for the last time,_ Kara doesn’t say.

They have been tiptoeing at the edge of something for the past few months. She wasn’t sure she could even let Lena leave the DEO if they talk about it now. If she was being honest she wanted to lock Lena up in a vault to keep her safe from what was going on, although she knew Lena would never agree to it.

“Someone once told me to be my own hero. I can’t just sit here and wait this out. Not when I can do something to help, Kara,” she says as if she just read Kara's mind.

She was right and Kara absolutely hates it.

“Whoever told you that is stupid and probably regrets it.”

Kara knows the answer but for the last time, she asks, “You can't not do this, can you?”

“I’m sorry, love.”

At that, Kara finally opens her eyes and sees Lena looking up at her worriedly.

“I understand. I just-” Kara sighs, a little lighter than she was before, “I kinda wish your alter ego just face painted kids and jumped in bouncy houses until she feels dizzy.”

“That's the mild-mannered side,” Lena jokes.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. Please.”

“Promise me _you’ll_ stay careful,” Lena counters.

“Lena,” Kara warns.

Lena wasn't wearing heels which makes it easy for Kara to drop her forehead onto hers. She wants to get closer but she could settle for this for now.

She sees Lena gulp before answering, “Always.”

And all Kara has to do is lean in. What she has in front of her is the most precious thing she ever held. She doesn't want to lose it. But she has to believe they are gonna make it through this day, that she can have this. All of it. Not just for a fleeting moment of desperation.

Lena deserves more than that.

The door opens as Alex's head peak in and they jump apart.

“Sam’s here. We gotta move.”

**Author's Note:**

> no beta we die like women
> 
> thoughts? help a writer out, leave me a comment! :D


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